Thursday, March 17
“For Thine is the Kingdom, and the Power and the Glory forever.”
Doxologies are formulations that praise God. So I remember after my husband died being asked if I was mad at God. Ire and praise generally don’t fall in the same sentence in our modern world. The question asked was a logical one, but the answer was no. But I did do a lot of thinking about God—particularly in those early confusing days. For sure I did not know why such a good and kind man was taken at such an early age but I do know that my faith ultimately deepened and became more nuanced.
I carried the vision that Mark had somehow entered some divine spiritual realm at Mass General that day and was no longer hurting. My theology embraces that we may very well be spiritual beings on a human journey. Even as we emerged from dust it was only as God’s spirit was breathed into us that we were given life. In this embodiment I do not believe that God sets out to wreak havoc on young families. Nor do I believe that God seeks to tear holes in our hearts at any age.
So, was I holding hidden feelings? Was I failing to unleash blame in the one who created us all? I don’t think so. While I wasn’t exactly praising God at the time I was feeling drawn to enter into a closer relationship. I saw God’s face in those who had the courage to knock on our door. I saw God’s face in dinners that sometimes consisted of caramel apples or a loaf of freshly made bread—at times all I could manage that fall. I saw it in a church community that held us in prayer and made sure to let us know we were not alone. And I saw God in our healing.
Ultimately, I became a gardener who deeply understood the soil from which new possibilities grow. Moving clouds swirling a planet drew my attention as did the wonder in the moon’s reflected illumination. In watching the sun shine on the distant Blue Hills from my office window I saw God. I understood the psalmist voices that teach us to walk in truth knowing the steadfast love that comforts and delivers us.
God we ask that you be with us in all times healing our brokenness, providing new vision, and seeing the power that you bestow within us each day. Amen.
–Nena Radtke