A Lenten Devotion by Heather McGraw Esposito
If we love one another, God lives in us, and God’s love is perfected in us.
1 John 4:12
What is the saying? “Make plans and God laughs.”
After my Dad passed away my mother being a very independent lady was fine living alone. At 85 she decided to give up driving so we would go shopping together. While on a daily visit I started to notice a change as she seemed lonely. I talked with my husband Jerry and we decided we could turn our garage into an apartment for her but ultimately decided it would be best not to move her from her home but to finish her walk-out basement and move in with her. It was hard at first learning to give each other space. We wanted Mom to above all else keep her independence.
Before this time I had started planning my retirement. When I was making this decision it seemed like such a long way off but my mother kept telling me “it will go by so fast and be here before you know it.” She was very encouraging. As I was making plans I was also encouraging Jerry to work remotely. He could fly home for the business if needed but at least we would be in warmer weather for the month of March. As we made our plans and told friends our news something kept telling to me, “this isn’t going to happen.”
The day after my retirement my brother brought his son for a visit. My little voice said to me, “you better get upstairs.” I didn’t listen to that little voice. As my nephew who is 40+ years old, six feet tall and is a solid 180 went over to give his 90 year old grandmother a hug with all the love in the world, they both lost their balance and fell, with him landing on her knee. At first she thought it was just sore but the following day it would prove otherwise. I took her to the emergency room to be told she had an anterior break of her tibia and they would need to operate. Due to other health issues, as we later learned, this wasn’t an option so they sent her to rehabilitation where I visited her daily for two weeks. We laughed, had fun and I learned her PT/OT exercises. Prior to discharge I was interviewed by three doctors, a physical therapist and occupational therapist to be sure I was “competent” to take care of my mother and to confirm she would not be alone. This is when I thanked God we sold our home to move in with Mom and my retirement planning. I cannot imagine doing all I have been doing while working;it would have been impossible plus they would have wanted to send her to a nursing home until she recovered, not an option in my mind.
Now I knew why I had the feeling our Florida plans would need to wait. I am not disappointed as I think of all my parents gave up for us to be sure we had a wonderful childhood, my mother commuting to work at Northeastern University with the hopes it would help with my tuition when I decided to attend college and their welcoming us to live at home as long as we wanted. I remember their struggles and all their hard work to give us the best life they could afford. Now it is my turn to be able to do all I can do for my mother to help her regain her independence.
There are times when my mother gets a bit down because her independence has been taken from her and because we didn’t go to Florida as we had planned. I find ways to make her laugh either through jokes or family tales and to make her realize I feel fortunate to be able to do what I am going for her. I know it isn’t easy for her as she is totally reliant on her wheel chair for a few more months.
Even though her condo was built as handicap accessible, things needed to be added. Jerry has been wonderful in making the necessary alterations, more grab bars, a wheel chair ramp, the need to raise the height of her bed, etc. He has even thought of ideas so Mom can still enjoy her private space. We now sit with a baby monitor so we can hear if she calls us. Instead of ringing a bell which we can’t always hear, he thought of using a battery operated door bell. She rings the door bell and we hear it down stairs. I found an emergency home-care alarm which I have attached to the lower area of her wheel chair so if she falls with me out of the room she can set off the alarm for me to come running. We also have a safety alarm through the alarm company but since we are here she will only use it if we step out.
She has physical and occupational therapy at home which we follow up with on the days the therapists aren’t here. Monitoring her blood pressure and medications are also necessary as is helping her with her daily hygiene. When she complains I shouldn’t have to be doing this, I agree I shouldn’t have to be doing this but it is what I choose to do and am glad I can do it for her. There aren’t many people who have been lucky enough to have their mother for 90 years or fortunate enough to have the wonderful parents I have had. Eventually we will be able to return to Bible Study but for now we will enjoy each other’s company.
Teach us, O God, to laugh together in times of challenge. Amen